more than...: i just wanna be

welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Thursday, October 20, 2011

first, i want the edited words back into the song. then....

then i want to get off my ass and out of my fears and start up my photography business. not to make millions but to do it because it brings me joy. i want to become the eclectic old woman who you are not sure is 40 or 60 years old. i want my fair share of my body back. no one took it from me mind you, i just let it walk out the door and blamed it on everyone and everything else but me. i don't need rib removal or liposuction. i don't want a partner less than 10 years younger than me. so there is no need to go all "Cher" on the single ladies. Besides that i don't think i have the energy.

when i was younger i dreamed of being 40. of how powerful and successful i would be. it passed me by in a blink of an eye. but there is no reason why 50 can't be the new 40. so now i just need to get off my ass and out of my fears....

ps. does it count if you join the mile high club by yourself? (i'm just askin')