welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The People We Meet

this was written a long time ago however, i have found that there can be more than one person in one's life.  how blessed.  how fortunate.  i don't know why or when it happened but it did... and this is rededicated to her...


As we go through life, people imprint themselves onto us. They all leave a mark. If we were dusted for fingerprints some would barely be traceable. Sometimes we meet those who knock us flat. We find ourselves on our asses in the middle of the floor wondering what the hell happened and nursing the welt which rises from our skin. Sometimes if we are lucky, we meet someone who seeps into us. Warm and liquid, like paraffin. They flow into every place imaginable. They maintain their heat allowing us to swim in them. We marvel at how we feel, how we look, marvel at how places inside us are suddenly alive, warm and filled up with this person.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have the pleasure of such a person. One who knows my darkest secrets and tends them like precious children. Who with one smile can set my heart to flight. I long for the "next time", though it doesn't much matter what "next time". Next laugh, next insight, next breath... I gather them up like Easter eggs. I pick each one up cradling it, commiting the details to memory, drowning in its beauty.

Some people are so much more than a finger print. Some never make you afraid that you will be sent flying to the floor. Some people you just know, perhaps from your quickening heart or your goofy grin each time you engage, that they are definitely going to leave a mark.

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