welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Friday, October 7, 2011

bits and pieces...

when i first moved out of my parents home my mother put a radio in my old room and cranked it all day and closed the door.   she told me one day when i came to visit,  "i have missed the music blaring  from your room for 15 years that made it  impossible for your father and i to watch tv".    i laughed and thought her just a silly woman.... cute but weird.

i walked passed the girls room tonight and they had turned on the radio and promptly left the room to do something else.  i usually call after them and make them come back and turn it off but i had a flash of my cute but weird mother and suddenly understood the "empty" that suddenly wasn't there after a long 2 week stretch from my time with my babies.  i get it.  i think i might just leave that radio on next tuesday morning... 

what a cute and weird mother they have...

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1 comment:

  1. Middle GirlOctober 8, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    For the brief stints (these days) when I'm home alone I can hardly stand the quiet. Until that is, I can and then? Ahhh bliss for a brief stint. In our household it isn't so much about the radio (or music) but the banter. Oh. The. Banter.

    Embrace the time, their presence as you are. :-)

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