welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Friday, July 15, 2011

kitchen is almost done...

well anything that i am taking from the kitchen...   i would be more heartbroken if i leave hannah's mobile that i would the waffle iron....  i will be driving around i guess with my entire kitchen in my car for a few days more.  gotta get in on though,  i dont want anything too breakable in others care.   if i break it is fine if they do i will pine.   

lots of plastic bags involved with toys books and clothing....   i wanted to do it all with boxes because they look so orderly.... but hell i have never been orderly.   i need to take apart my bed... that is daunting....   i think the girls beds just need maneuvering.  i am taking the futon mattress but not the frame.... that thing is on its last leg.... i would rather leave it outside for recycling.

i cant believe i am leaving... i hate losing.  i hate   miscalculating.  and i hate that saturday i will be roasting garlic over my last open fire alone.   but i will anyway.

change is the only thing that doesn't and happily ever after is a lie we have harmed every generation before us and probably after us if we don't start tell them that life is a crap shoot and it doesn't work out the way we want more times than not.

may the universe watch over and care for my chestnut haired girl.   
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