new room with a new view...

so i am moving on again.  the plan before  me this last year failed.  (hear the book slamming shut, imagine dust flying along with regrets... huge regrets) a grand failure of a sincere endeavor.  i would love to be able to connect everything together before i die.  i doubt i ever will,  i doubt most people ever do  did Hemingway finish his last writings before he killed himself here in idaho?   it is impossible or maybe highly unlikely for most.  some are great at wrapping things up with embellishments of some sort,  some have the talent of leaving everything suspended in the air and it still is perfect.  i just have become so angry with embellishment and complete lying about the real story that i dont know that i will ever tie things up in a bow and be able to say,  "the end" or even more silly "happily ever after",  and i am not sure that i can leave stories open ended and have it make sense for people, not even for me.    come to think of it though,  life and death is exactly like that...  i popped out about 6 months before the Cuban missile crisis and who knows when i will exit stage left.  i guess that means that we just go until we stop.   and in between, we try to be true to ourselves.  Some of us are obsessed with journaling and desperately want something to be left behind to show our imperfect path we walked while we were here.   for family, for friends, for strangers.... for the universe.  its important that people know how others lived.  we can learn from others even if we come across as the poster child for how not to live.

   i have found a place with less emotion, less access and no memories.  it is a place that has a wealth of possible new experiences and new views and new habits.  i believe it will benefit everyone in my life.   but i am not gone.... if you want me,  you can find me.   i am not hiding.  i am just off writing a new chapter.