welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

just silence...

uncomfortable silences.  i often wonder why they are uncomfortable?  why can't we let words echo in our ears or the night air and enjoy them like the distant sounds of a wind chime blowing in the wind?   why do we interpret silence as a rebuff?  perhaps the woman who you whisper "i love you" to just wants to hear it in her ear and reverberate over her body?

it can be such a erotic silence.  perhaps neither of you speak but connect eye to eye.  do you trust her?  do you trust yourself?  is it a matter of confidence and self esteem?  why can't we just trust that you both are where you want to be, wrapped, entangled, breathing into each other without words?

silence can be beautiful.

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