more than...: longing

welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

longing

if you could only sit slowly on the edge of my couch,

staring down at your hands and picking your words gently,

you reach for my arm and you feel my silk skin that smells of mango and vanilla.

looking at me, gauging my reaction as you slowly slide your hand up to my elbow.

you reach with your other hand to cup my jaw line and your eyes well up with need and permission.

i lean into your hand, moaning quietly and saying how good your hand feels.

you lift my chin up and ask me to open my eyes and look at you.

i am locked in the moment, praying you won’t make me wait too long to watch you move closer and brush your lips against mine.

i take in a breath, waiting, quietly begging that tonight you will not stop with a good night kiss.