i keep hoping that i will get a text from someone who will tell me that i have more worth than the threats of her "so called friends". that i am worth her time, her emotions, and her fear that people who were her friends before. we became good friends i wish it would transend the evil of what toxic bullies who would threaten her. i know it won't happen, i have always known my value. its not worth anyones dicomfort. why on earth i could ever think anything other than that. it always has been, it always will be.
i had my binoculers ready for the next run up the mountain. i could never make it up all the way but we found this cave and this beautiful hillside filled with all kinds of birds.. but we stopped when we saw the owl. we watched her for several minutes, we watched as she watch us. she watched the other birds who have made their home within the rock that surrounded her nest. But her eyes were certainly on us.
I promised to bring my binoculars next time. she was so exicted to see that beautiful mommy close up watching over her babies. but that will never happen. well perhaps i will on the a day i know she wont be there or pray she won't be there.
i want to see the mama owl. watching over her young. i want to step through the creek one more time that i teased my friend by splashing water on her and watching her run with that beautiful grin on her face.
pitiful that any of these things should matter to me at all. i don't need her loyality. although it was sheer bliss when i had it. she was special, for a while.
