welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Thursday, August 18, 2011


each thursday a small gathering of my church family come together to check in with ourselves and we try different types of meditation.  15 minutes of absolute quite with a certain tactic to guide our minds into a place of peace. 
today we tried,  "i am very blessed because...."   and for the 15 we counted our blessings.  it was delightful because the funniest things kept coming into my mind.  so many blessings!  afterward we shared some of the things that we were thinking and i had to confess that i spent most of my time thinking about the circus that i watched outside my door today, well everyday actually.   i have two squirrels who like to visit my deck and eat the bird food.  there is one with a big fluffy tail who politely walks across the balcony and gentle picks out his favorite morsels.  then there is the skinny tailed squirrel who propels himself out of nowhere from the tree outside and  lands directly into the bowl of bird seed.  seed goes flying everywhere and he sits there like his is all that.   it must be an insecurity about that sad looking tail.

the birds come and clean up after him but he eventually comes back in the same fashion and then turns his attention to my rugs... he pulls them up and around looking for whatever the birds left and pays no attention to me when i go out and tell him to stop.  he just looks at me as if i am bothering his groove. 

its a lovely sight to see.  i am very blessed to have it happen every day.

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