once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.
i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.
for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.
one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
seasons...
i look at the sky and trees, the birds, especially the powerful hawk who just spotted breakfast and swooped down on Quinn's Pond and flew away victoriously. its quiet. summer isn't used to the quiet. it sits and wonders, "where is everyone?" i'm here doing my best at all the things you were pining for in the dead of winter. but you're gone. soon i will have no choice but to give in to cool air that will steal my leaves and my vitality. i will be gone. you will pass by and remark how short is seemed, my visit, i mean. yet i gave my all for you and you left me to go to do other activities.
i will color myself in brilliant hues to say goodbye and to tell you how much i enjoyed watching you play with joy and great abandon. i will color myself in hues of both acquiescence and also in a promise that next year, i know you know i will be back. i know i will be back. taller, fuller and filled with joy of all i bring to your lives. please know that your joy is shared by every fiber of my being. we had a wonderful summer. we will have another. to everything, turn, turn, turn....
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