welcome to the next chapter...

once a long time ago, i read on a blog, "i am a lesbian but thats not all i am". i was then just teetering on the edge coming out as a lesbian. back then, although i understood what she was saying, i was completely drowning in that one dimension of my identity. i knew then i was more than also but such turmoil tends to shrink your field of vision. it is scary and exciting and anticipatory and it is exhausting.

i am almost 5 years out now. some things look differently in my life. some things are the same. but i revel in the knowledge that i am a lesbian and in the knowledge that i really am more than just... my field of vision has grown to include the wide open spaces of life's endless possibilies.

for those of you who know me, you will be able to find the familiar places of my old writings which i will have on the sidebar. for those who stumble upon me and find yourself confused by fragmented references or are struggling to come out later in life, you will find the Closer to Fine link most helpful. I recommend reading it from the beginning, it makes more sense.

one more thing, blame my lack of capital letters on e.e. cummings...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

this has GOT to be a good life...

we really do have to make this a good life.  its the only one we have.  we have no do-overs in grown up times.  this is it folks.   whats it gonna be?   i , personally can live with my tidal melancholia because it feeds a part of the good life inside and outside of me.  i am a writer and photographer i need that POV but i can't be at war.  not that i wont fight one but i will not continue on and over lap my good part.  i will not give anyone that power to ruin the good life. they can be like a fly, it will be brushed away after i am done with the irritation.

laugh as loud as you can.  find art everywhere or find places art can materialize and plot the emergence of your vision,  remember to take copious pictures and then run like hell if you hear sirens.   think of funny things to say, do silly things that make other people laugh and always encourage those with the yearning in their eyes to join ....  you can do it... i have done it.  i have brought shy people to the dance floor where they have found that dancing isnt a spectator sport.  i have, by example got mothers to jump into the  pool after i have done it in the biggest way possible and letting them see that you dont die from embarrassment  or silliness and no one is sitting on the side lines holding up numbers rating you and your abilities.  instead you laugh at how easy it was just to let go.

this has GOT to be a good life people.  WORK at life, WORK at love.   dont give up and walk away feeling defeated.  this has GOT to be good.  not mediocre, not shitty.... not just okay.  its got to be GOOD!

so what are you going to do tomorrow?

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted you to know that you were never considered collateral. You were very special to me in so many ways. I hope that you're doing well.....LZ